rifling through your files

the aftermath just isn't adding up

a nice, bushy cup of moustache

so in futbol news, it seems that D.C. United has, after years of MLS dominance (which doesn't say a lot), finally figured out how to suck. bringing in a bunch of new players who don't seem to know what's going on around them has proved a highly successful strategy for remaining firmly at the bottom of the Eastern standings. i must say that this is quite a shame, nay, a fucking travesty, as they were the one bright light in the Washington-area professional sports franchise scene that i could always count on for a little help in the vicarious-victory/top ten crazy goal department over the last few years. while the orioles, redskins, wizards, the "nats" (fuck 'em, incidentally), and most distressingly, the terps, have remained mired comfortably in mediocrity and horribly short-sighted ownership and coaching (and of course, shitty playing of sports), the proud eagles of RFK's own United could be counted on to rip teams both within the MLS and teams with storied european pedigrees new and rather large assholes.

thus, it was with a heavy heart that i watched the chicago something-or-other go up 2-nil early in the second half of tonight's match. excitement at espn's carrying of my hometown's club game live and at a decent hour swiftly gave way to bemused indifference. anyone up for a group hug should contact me immediately and we will set something up. between 12-2 pm friday should be good for me - holla!

**currently listening to: soulja boy - crank that.

need tweensex? ask disney

so if you have read the newspaper lately (specifically, the "very important things happening now" section), you may have heard that people magazine is claiming that some 15-year-old disney phenom should "apologize" for the photos of her that will appear in this month's vanity fair.
disney, for its part, is outraged at what they are calling "a situation [that] was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines.”

god, it's hard to believe that anyone would manipulate someone just to sell a few magazines. that would almost suggest that everything in the media is driven by money or something! i mean, come on! everyone knows vanity fair has only the prurient cultural interests of the public in mind and wants the best for all of us, even if it means not making some easy money by applying the well-know formula {15 year old back exposed} + {billion dollar product line} * {well-entrenched american sexual tension dating back to puritans) = $$$


and disney, of course, is right to be outraged! they would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS allow themselves to be associated with something of this nature, right? i mean, it goes against everything they are trying to do as the world's premiere purveyor of anthropomorphic rodent paraphernalia! unless, of course, you are in china:

yours, in 'stache-dom

sorry for the lapse in updates but i have been quite busy trimming my moustache and making sure that it remains camera-ready. we have reached a wonderful stage at this point where the moustache is well-aged and ready to be fine-tuned. i have no doubt whatsoever that this moustache has a very bright future ahead of it and i will of course be doing everything in my power over the coming days to ensure that it has all the t.l.c. it needs to realize its full potential.

as for the man behind the moustache, think not of him, for he is really nothing more than a substrate upon which the hair may bloom forth, extruding hairy gifts of nonsensical blog-speak upon the vast web of data in which this blog resides while at the same time providing for endless merriment in the world at large. i have claimed it on my taxes and will be spending the extra dough on something highly worthwhile, such as video games and quite possibly beer.

to fans of the 'stache the world over, i want you to know that i love you all.

fucking network

i think they might be on to me at work...it's not letting me upload my customary innappropriate imagery. something will have to be done about this but it will have to wait until i get home. i was planning on doing a tell-all expose on my asshole roommates and a nice rundown of their recent idiocy for anyone who has yet to hear the story, but i think i'll wait so i can illustrate it with the wonderful photos h and i took of the crime scene. suffice to say, or repeat, rather, that i seem to be sharing an apartment with two ill-tempered, autistic pitbulls trapped in the bodies of slack-jawed mouth-breathing west coast dummies. more later.

animal moustache II

how to make fast friends with a dog.