another day, another .025 inches of moustache

At some point someone apparently came under the mistaken impression that I give the slightest fuck about the schedules of my coworkers, the vast majority of whom I don’t even remotely interact with. As a result, my inbox receives a daily barrage of irrelevant “updates,” like this:
Good morning,

My appointment has actually been moved to tomorrow morning (April 10th), at 9am. I should be in the office that morning around the same times specified below (9:30 or 9:45).

Thanks,

Sally McJohnson

Licensing Paralegal

Big Bad Publications | Editorial Assets and Rights

1441 Big Street, Eleventh Floor

Big City, Big State 12508

Tel: 222.635.5639

Fax: 222.635.5882

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This e-mail may contain information that is confidential. If you are not the intended recipient of this e-mail, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail, purge it and do not disseminate or copy it.